today..im not gonna post anything..emotional. just..some random thoughts that crossed my mind. here goes.
winter.
its beautiful,white,and for someone who loves thick coat so much,winter seems perfect.
i do miss winter.
but when winter comes,the cold beats me.i cant stand the harshness,the shivering.
when winter comes, thats when i'll stick to the heater like a glue.
what i realised i should look forward to is spring.
the weather is not too cold.is not hot.its just..perfect.
the flowers are blooming,the trees changed into perfect colours.
spring makes u appreciate life and see its beauty.
the scenery is breathtaking..
my scenery.
today i realised,you were that winter.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
A forgiving heart
one of the lessons that i learned this week...yesterday to be precised..was sincerity.
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sometimes,i find money to be real scary.i hate it to a certain extent. Money can change a good person,into Cruella DeVille. Money can make a husband gets amnesia,and forgets his wife and kids,and all he can see are bimbos. Money can make a person hurts the other person in the worst way possible.
and what scarier is,u do need the money to protect the one matters to u.When your loved ones are being abused by Cruella (or Godzilla u name it),u do need money to shelter them.to nurse them.to keep them safe.
shakyh once wrote,sometimes,people wont remember all the good u did for them,all they remembered was that ONE NO u gave them.shaykh was right.all the 'standing through thick and thin",being there for someone,with ONLY ONE to what appears to be a NO,suddenly i was a psycho.a narrrow minded person.suddenly,i was hated.am hated.
i hate money even more now.it makes me feel as though,thats all i am.ever was.and the funny thing is,i dont have much anyway.
and it got me thinking a lot.it got me questioned myself. "if i am doing this for the sake of Allah,then,does it matters what i get from His creations in return?" i am not an angel.i am just His struggling servant.of course i have feelings. at times,i do want to be appreciated,especially by the one who matters to me.but then,i realised,its not that important anymore.the bottom line is,God knows.God knows my every tears,my every wound,my every actions,and why i did it.He knows.He knows.and that......is sufficient.
and so,eventhough people will call me names,or the fact that i might be forgotten,i will still have to be there.i will still have to help,if i was asked to help.even if it hurts like hell,i will have to help. Allah never fails to be there for me,eventhough i disappoint Him day in day out.so who am I,to not be there,when He gives me all the means to be there?
A forgiving heart.lets try that again,liyana.
Friday, March 23, 2012
When its time for me to return to You
When its time for me to return to You,
would You be pleased with me?
because all i do forget You.
When its time for me to return to You,
will You look at me with kind eyes?
despite my ugliness and shortcomings,and my many sins.
When its time for me to return to You,
will Muhammad saw recognize me,and help me,
because i know i dont love him as much as he deserves.
When its time for me to return to You,
will my mama forgives and pray for me,
because i know i have done nothing to be her good daughter.
When its time for me to return to You,
will anyone weep for me and keep me in their thoughts,
because i know i have done nothing but a burden to my friends.
When its time for me to return to You,
would you even care?
since i am nothing to you when i am alive,and that i have failed in protecting you.
When its time for me to return to You,
will i be able to answer Your army,
or will my mouth or my other limbs get me in trouble?
When its time for me to return to You,
will the scorpions come?will i scream in pain,
in the dark,waiting to be raised again?
When its time for me to stand in front of You,
please forgive me.have mercy on me.and reunited me with all the people that i once loved,
in Jannah.
would You be pleased with me?
because all i do forget You.
When its time for me to return to You,
will You look at me with kind eyes?
despite my ugliness and shortcomings,and my many sins.
When its time for me to return to You,
will Muhammad saw recognize me,and help me,
because i know i dont love him as much as he deserves.
When its time for me to return to You,
will my mama forgives and pray for me,
because i know i have done nothing to be her good daughter.
When its time for me to return to You,
will anyone weep for me and keep me in their thoughts,
because i know i have done nothing but a burden to my friends.
When its time for me to return to You,
would you even care?
since i am nothing to you when i am alive,and that i have failed in protecting you.
When its time for me to return to You,
will i be able to answer Your army,
or will my mouth or my other limbs get me in trouble?
When its time for me to return to You,
will the scorpions come?will i scream in pain,
in the dark,waiting to be raised again?
When its time for me to stand in front of You,
please forgive me.have mercy on me.and reunited me with all the people that i once loved,
in Jannah.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
lessons.gifts.desert.
Lessons.i guess there's plenty more God wants me to learn.and so,i rolled my sleeves up,and start walking.the road aint gonna be easy.i know.i dont expect it to be easy anymore.i only plead Him to make it feels easy.feels bearable.may He walks with me for every inch of the way.because one second without Him,i know ill stumble,and fall yet again.
a couple of weeks ago,when i feel like things are way too hard,again,this time i knew,there will be lessons at the end of the tunnel.and i know,that there will be light along the way if i open my eyes,and see beyond the pain.and i know,just like i know 1+1=2,i know,that He will walk with me if i asked Him to.
this time around,i finally see what people meant when they say, the disabled are special people.some refer them as the people of Jannah. and i saw why.i saw why,clearly.Their every smiles,every touches,every laughs,that sparkles in their eyes,that light on their faces,are extremely precious.special.theyre like gifts. and when u sit there,and they came to u and wrapped your hands around them,and lay on ur lap,your heart will melt,just like... errr...m&ms melt?(eventhough they claimed they wont ,melt in your hands..they did melt.)
ohh!then i'll call my heart m&ms then!i thought it aint gonna,but it melts anyway :)
and so,for every pain,every wound,every fall,just like yasmin mogahed said,quoting rumi,
(sorry if i got the words mixed up or anything)
my heart are all fluffy and it feels like its turning into a garden with lots f roses in it :P Alhamdulillah for everything.for every tears.for every laughs.for every pain.for every smiles.for everything. for everything.just make plenty of prayers for me,and everyone who are struggling with themselves. may our roads feels..like we're cruising on highways :P
and to that someone who got lost in the desert,i pray to God to make snow to fall on the sahara.so that u could find your way back.i know u will.if He wills it to.may He ease your journey.
a couple of weeks ago,when i feel like things are way too hard,again,this time i knew,there will be lessons at the end of the tunnel.and i know,that there will be light along the way if i open my eyes,and see beyond the pain.and i know,just like i know 1+1=2,i know,that He will walk with me if i asked Him to.
this time around,i finally see what people meant when they say, the disabled are special people.some refer them as the people of Jannah. and i saw why.i saw why,clearly.Their every smiles,every touches,every laughs,that sparkles in their eyes,that light on their faces,are extremely precious.special.theyre like gifts. and when u sit there,and they came to u and wrapped your hands around them,and lay on ur lap,your heart will melt,just like... errr...m&ms melt?(eventhough they claimed they wont ,melt in your hands..they did melt.)
ohh!then i'll call my heart m&ms then!i thought it aint gonna,but it melts anyway :)
and so,for every pain,every wound,every fall,just like yasmin mogahed said,quoting rumi,
"dont turn your head away from it,look at it,and know that it is where lights enter u.and when ure healed,do not for a second think that u heal it by yourself."
(sorry if i got the words mixed up or anything)
my heart are all fluffy and it feels like its turning into a garden with lots f roses in it :P Alhamdulillah for everything.for every tears.for every laughs.for every pain.for every smiles.for everything. for everything.just make plenty of prayers for me,and everyone who are struggling with themselves. may our roads feels..like we're cruising on highways :P
and to that someone who got lost in the desert,i pray to God to make snow to fall on the sahara.so that u could find your way back.i know u will.if He wills it to.may He ease your journey.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
looks can be very deceiving
One glance,one look,is often deceiving.
Have u experienced it before?let me elaborate.
I went to this home.a shelter,for kids.the house is really small,and a bit run-down.in such a tiny space,they managed to fit in many many kids.at the first glance,i felt sorry.sorry because they dont have enough.sorry because their parents left them.sorry because they cant eat luxurious food.sorry because they're "poor".
but look again.look closer this time liyana.
since at a very young age,they started to memorise the Quran.since at a very young age,they're taught to be happy and content with what they owned.they learned how to manage themselves.most importantly,have i told you that they're on their way to memorise the Quran??
the whole Quran will insyaAllah be in their heart.
now,lets ask again,who is the one that is lacking?who's the "poor" one now?who's the princes and princesses in front of Allah's eyes?
and so i dont look at them with sympathetic eyes.i look at them with eyes filled with amazement,adoration and wonders. because i am the ugly one.i am the poor one.i am the one who lacks so much.i am the one who is weak.
the kids,are superstars.
Have u experienced it before?let me elaborate.
I went to this home.a shelter,for kids.the house is really small,and a bit run-down.in such a tiny space,they managed to fit in many many kids.at the first glance,i felt sorry.sorry because they dont have enough.sorry because their parents left them.sorry because they cant eat luxurious food.sorry because they're "poor".
but look again.look closer this time liyana.
since at a very young age,they started to memorise the Quran.since at a very young age,they're taught to be happy and content with what they owned.they learned how to manage themselves.most importantly,have i told you that they're on their way to memorise the Quran??
the whole Quran will insyaAllah be in their heart.
now,lets ask again,who is the one that is lacking?who's the "poor" one now?who's the princes and princesses in front of Allah's eyes?
and so i dont look at them with sympathetic eyes.i look at them with eyes filled with amazement,adoration and wonders. because i am the ugly one.i am the poor one.i am the one who lacks so much.i am the one who is weak.
the kids,are superstars.
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| insyaAllah,Khalilah will have the whole Quran in her heart too one day =) |
Battles within.
When my emotions sink really low,as deep as the bottom of the ocean,nowdays,i take so long to pull myself back up.i take so long to dust myself off.sometimes TOO LONG ,and when i feel like i'm soaring up high,it'll be only for a short moment of time.then the cycle continues.over and over again. Sometimes i get irritated easily with myself,i mean..why cant i just soar up high,and keep on flying like the others?why do i break easily?I AM CERTAINED,THAT I DONT HAVE ONE OF THOSE "MADE IN CHINA TAG.so why?
but then i realised,whenever everything goes really smoothly and..u know..when everything goes just right and trouble-free and i feel high as if i just swallowed a bottle of chill pills (:P)...that usually means me..tears-free.its not that i forget God during those "perfect" times,but i..i just....dont cry.i just dont cry to God.and so..while writing this..i realised,maybe thats the blessing of me trying to battle my emotions.the blessing of me feeling empty at times.the blessing of...me,trapped in my past.the blessing of me not getting what i want,WHO I WANT and how i want it.Because whenever im stuck at the bottom of the ocean,i,norliyana noor ariff,will cry.i will plead God.i will beg God. that is..a blessing. is it not?
Monday, December 19, 2011
the bitter year.the sweetest year.
i have soo many shortcomings.so many things that i need to fix,need to mend.and this,will be my only resolution for 2012.i'd like to be busy,busy mending myself. :) i would like to appear beautiful.not to fellow humans,but to Allah.i keep on disappointing Him,because im way too weak.i need to work on that insyaAllah.
this year,is the hardest year i ever had.i know i have nothing on my plate,compared to the rest of the world. Syria,yemen and Libya are in wars.some had to face rapes.some had to beg for a cup to drink.some couldnt even sleep peacefully cause they have no home.sleeping on the sidewalk is no joke.u can get robbed anytime.or raped.
and so i know Allah has given me so many blessings.He gives me roof over my head,clothes on my back.theres surplus of food,and i dont have to get worried just in case a bomb might explode.but because im weak,i still feel that i have a a tough year.i couldnt pull myself together.all year long i kept crying.
because im weak,everything feels like a struggle.studying.family.heart.coping with losses.various losses,everything.i resemble a zombie all year long.im here,but my soul is elsewhere.i couldnt focus.i couldnt stand up.i know what im supposed to do,but i couldnt pull through. because im weak.
but despite the pain and the tears,this year is the most sweetest yet.i held a refugee kid in my arms.i sat down with the orphans,went to see the homeless,ramadhan was so memorable that i will not trade it with anything else.and one event after another,Allah has been so kind,he showed me the world that ive never seen before.i've met incredible people along the journey,that inspires me to be better.before i always wonder "is there no good person left in this world?" ..but now i always wonder "how can i be as good as these people?"
because Allah said "verily,with difficulty comes ease". and i understood that now. He put me on these bitter tests,just so i can taste the sweetness of it.yes i feel the pain,but i can feel the sweetness of it too.He opened so many doors for me,and each doors has lessons to be learnt.beautiful lessons.Allahu akbar!
one of it was,when i saw my grandmama get buried in the ground,it hits me hard in the heart.i realised that,no matter how hard i try to please people in this world,no matter how i want their approval,in the end, i will be alone.in the ground.answering all the questions.alone.if i were to die today,i literally have nothing good to weigh.i dont want to get burned.i dont want the scorpions to come.i dont want to be alone in the dark.
i can never tolerate the lil fire from a lighter for even 5 seconds.i cannot imagine the fire of jahannam.i dont want to go there.
this year,is the hardest year i ever had.i know i have nothing on my plate,compared to the rest of the world. Syria,yemen and Libya are in wars.some had to face rapes.some had to beg for a cup to drink.some couldnt even sleep peacefully cause they have no home.sleeping on the sidewalk is no joke.u can get robbed anytime.or raped.
and so i know Allah has given me so many blessings.He gives me roof over my head,clothes on my back.theres surplus of food,and i dont have to get worried just in case a bomb might explode.but because im weak,i still feel that i have a a tough year.i couldnt pull myself together.all year long i kept crying.
because im weak,everything feels like a struggle.studying.family.heart.coping with losses.various losses,everything.i resemble a zombie all year long.im here,but my soul is elsewhere.i couldnt focus.i couldnt stand up.i know what im supposed to do,but i couldnt pull through. because im weak.
but despite the pain and the tears,this year is the most sweetest yet.i held a refugee kid in my arms.i sat down with the orphans,went to see the homeless,ramadhan was so memorable that i will not trade it with anything else.and one event after another,Allah has been so kind,he showed me the world that ive never seen before.i've met incredible people along the journey,that inspires me to be better.before i always wonder "is there no good person left in this world?" ..but now i always wonder "how can i be as good as these people?"
because Allah said "verily,with difficulty comes ease". and i understood that now. He put me on these bitter tests,just so i can taste the sweetness of it.yes i feel the pain,but i can feel the sweetness of it too.He opened so many doors for me,and each doors has lessons to be learnt.beautiful lessons.Allahu akbar!
one of it was,when i saw my grandmama get buried in the ground,it hits me hard in the heart.i realised that,no matter how hard i try to please people in this world,no matter how i want their approval,in the end, i will be alone.in the ground.answering all the questions.alone.if i were to die today,i literally have nothing good to weigh.i dont want to get burned.i dont want the scorpions to come.i dont want to be alone in the dark.
i can never tolerate the lil fire from a lighter for even 5 seconds.i cannot imagine the fire of jahannam.i dont want to go there.
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